Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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