Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
