I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
