ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
