How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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