he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
