My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
