can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
