Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
