Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
