Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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