my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize