I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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