I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
do herpes really smell.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
did i walk over a car last night?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's always time for handjobs
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
