my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
