Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
