sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
