i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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