I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
