Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
