just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
