do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
