in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
