im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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