$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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