So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
