Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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