i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
