4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
