I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize