just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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