Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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