i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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