I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think my vagina is haunted
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
