note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
