K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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