He had one of those small greek statue penises
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
