there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize