There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
