How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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