I just pynch a tree in the face
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
