My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
