don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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