I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My vagina just recognized that song.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
