and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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