I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
