I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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