sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
