he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
