I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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