It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
