god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
