just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize