At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
