Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
