i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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