I must be too annoying 4 u.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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