You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
