My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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