I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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