Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
