I think I am morally bankrupt
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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