i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
