Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
