They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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