It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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