The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize